happiness for happiness

on this dance

i let you take the lead

and my happiness for yours

we trade

i let mine attend backstage

and with no heartaches

i sincerely cheer

for once

i allow some joy enter from outside

as i no longer reserve the spotlight 

in my dreams 

i observe you all

shine with a brilliance i didn't see so clear

and i silently smile 

as i realize

that my happiness is yours

numb

friends are dispersed 

some in distant latitudes of a similar nature 

others gone along paths millions of light years away 

from my own

Love has tired my patience

of that, no need to talk

Fraternal bonds under a question mark

what do they mean?

childhood memories stand on their fictional value

that's all

I'm gone somewhere

where I found nothing but myself 

stripped of all the blurry illusions I had built around me

I can only ask: 

In this quiet disaster,

why is it so hard to feel?